Friday, July 17
Los Angeles Galaxy vs. San Jose Earthquakes #LAvSJ
A Classico of crunch wrap supremes.
A rivalry of silicon memes.
A DP takes two to tango.
Unchained melody allocated Django.
Make up rules to make up ground.
You can’t change the ball is round.
San Jose’s troll like behavior.
Or Stevie G. the geriatric savior.
Saturday, July 18
Toronto Football Club vs. Philadelphia Union #TORvPHI
Toronto is a rich man’s Philly.
The Union at best are willy-nilly.
As lovable as a cardboard box.
As cunning as an autistic fox.
The Liberty Bell cracked in half.
The Curtain drawn before the laugh.
The stage is set for the Gio Show.
They’d shoot him down if they weren’t so slow.
Orlando City Soccer Club vs. New York Red Bulls #ORLvNY
Might as well just call it now.
They missed the moon and ate the cow.
The Legend slipped from grasp too soon.
Wright-Phillips pulled too quick from womb.
An incubator of see-ya-laters.
Of crocodiles and too-soon gators.
Off the rails and setting sails.
Or selling out and tucking tails.
New England Revolution vs. New York City Football Club #NEvNYC
The laziest the revolution’s been.
Lethargy thick and options thin.
Opponents strong and with fresh skin.
Starting to turn “shit” to “win.”
World Class don’t grow on trees.
Some touch of ball is a pedigree.
Can’t be taught or unseen.
And sometimes it just seems mean.
Sporting Kansas City vs. Impact de Montreal #SKCvMTL
More games in hand than brains in head.
KC can rise like loaves of bread.
Steady now and watch your yeast.
A back line full of wildebeests.
An identity that is abstract.
Like their shots it’s not exact.
Piatti plays the Argentina ball.
The smaller they stand the quicker they fall.
Football Club Dallas vs. District of Columbia United #DALvDC
Tell me why United’s good.
When all I see are lumps of wood.
And why must Dallas rise before fall.
Not used to them now standing tall.
A solid spine solid luck too.
An awkward goal wins a few.
Now Olsen’s trick is to dull the mind.
Bore you to death with a dull grind.
Seattle Sounders Football Club vs. Colorado Rapids #SEAvCOL
A flash in pan, a plastic fan.
A flamethrower, an empty can.
The Deuce is loose chasing a cup.
He lost them one that’s not enough.
Patchwork pants like Bagger Vance.
Pock marked roster a bad school dance.
If someone can Rapids aren’t it.
But now is now and shit is shit.
Real Salt Lake vs. Houston Dynamo #RSLvHOU
These two clubs so full of meh
Overrated and overripe by the day.
Times have changed and change runs dry.
You can’t rely on a Bruin guy.
This may be the bottom middle hell.
Where the not great rest cause they never fell.
Grind and groan and pretend to care.
Examples of how to have zero flair.
Sunday, July 19
Columbus Crew Soccer Club vs. Chicago Fire #CLBvCHI
Dumpster fires could win more games.
Or at least get a goal from a lick of flame.
But smoldering embers can glow with hope.
And rebranded clubs are still shaving soap.
You can never expect to get what you want.
But the more you watch you can’t stand the font.
Everything looks better when you squint your eyes.
Even a shit show starring 22 guys.